80 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives,
with many are doing so regularly. Women generally orgasm far less
frequently than men (69 percent of the time they have sex, compared with
95 percent, according to one study), so if there’s “oohing” and
“ahhing” at the end of every session, well…
you do the math.
This research attempts to prioritize women’s narratives about orgasm
to fill in some of these gaps which men find incomprehensible,
In other words: this is a feedback from real women with real stories explaining the real reasons why they fake it.
- They don’t want their partner to feel bad — or worse, like a failure
In the study, research based on interviews by women volunteers
showed that women often fake orgasms to “reinforce their partner’s
sexual skills”—out of concern their partner might feel inadequate for
not being able to provide the ultimate climax.
because I want to get it over with I just make them feel better. Like,
‘Yayyyy,’ or whatever. I want them to feel like they accomplished
something with me,” said Angelica, 32, during her interview.
This mentality allows women to protect their relationship by protecting their partner’s ego.
fake my orgasms, I do, yes,” Shantele, another participant in the
study, said. “Sometimes some guys are very insecure and they feel like
if I’m not coming they didn’t do their job. Sometimes faking it can
serve as positive reinforcement—it’s like cheering him on and
encouraging him. Imagine him up there sweating it out and I am down
there not coming. I thinks it kills men”
participant added “I rarely fake an orgasm in my current relationship,
but there were a few times at the beginning when I did, mostly because I
was not relaxed enough to have a real one,” she wrote. “He was doing
all the right things and the sex was great so I didn’t want to
- They want the sex to be over with, like yesterday.
It was also proved in the research that faking an orgasm is also
used as an exit strategy—what afemale respondent calls “strategically
ending sexual interactions”—when women aren’t enjoying sex.
fake it just to get it over with,” said Florence, a 38-year-old bisexual
woman said.“You don’t want it at all and it’s sad. I just want it to
end, but you can’t say ‘Stop! We’re done.’ I’m not a hurtful person.”
a 24-year-old participant, echoed the sentiment. “I faked an orgasm to
get the guy off of me, just because I was done or just wasn’t into it or
felling the nigga.”
Simply not being in the mood is just one of
many factors that can cause a woman to lose interest. Others include
lack of attraction, pain (self-lubrication is not limitless, folks),
exhaustion, boredom, stress or, in some cases, just really bad sex.
one 35-year-old woman not involved in the study explained to TILB, “The
times that I have faked it was because I just felt like the guy was
going very hard, and that gets odd and uninteresting after 10 minutes.
Some Naijan Guys feel like the harder they go the faster you have an
orgasm. Nothing could be further from the truth!”
Of course, this
type of bad sex is more likely to happen during one-night stands—which
is when women report the fewest orgasms—and people who have been married
for more than 2 years marks another instance when women tend to fake it
just to make it stop.
“I feel like that’s the go-to move during
those times when hubby just wants to fuck but I am not in the mood or
plain tired but as a christian wife, I cant say no to him,” a
28-year-old woman said. “all i just do even if I am tired is to let him
in and then scream for a few minutes and then have a fake orgasm. if I
dont do this, he will keep pounding away thinking I am enjoying the
torture. so I just fake it cos once I fake it, he will concentrate on
him self and release and free me”
- They feel abnormal (and judged) for not being able to orgasm.
Last but not least is that some women fake it because they felt
ashamed for not being able to come—as if an inability to orgasm was
solely their responsibility and had nothing to do with their partner.
struggled with this for a long time because I always hear how women
have orgasms all the time during sex. I never seem to from intercourse
alone so I always have to fake it just to feel like a woman and appear
normal to my husband,” said Hannah, a 57-year-old participant in the
study. “I don’t want him to know that I’m one of those women who can’t
get aroused from a penis inside her.”
Feelings of guilt or
inadequacy during sex are common. As one 28-year-old explained, “I have
never faked an orgasm—I just have left some guys feeling like, ‘Ugh what
is wrong with you?’”
The truth is, as this research and many
others have pointed out, the road to climaxing varies among women, and
it’s up to them and their partners to figure out what works.
example, some women strictly need clitoral stimulation to climax. In
fact, a recent study published in Clinical Anatomy claims the infamous
G-spot—and thus, vaginal orgasms—doesn’t even exist.
another study claimed that the mind that holds the key to a female
orgasm. Specifically, the more relaxed and comfortable a woman is, and
the more she can focus on her body and erotic thoughts, the more likely
she is to come.
One common theme? Regardless of the reason, not coming is not uncommon.
What does it all mean?
takeaway here is that faking orgasms happens when lines of
communication are broken—specifically, when women don’t feel comfortable
telling their partners why they aren’t coming.
helps women to have better sex lives by putting women into communication
with each other about these important topics, Too often, conversations
about orgasms are invisible and silent.
So ladies, the next time you don’t come, consider talking to your partner. Because sex is more fun when everyone’s getting off.
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